Presidential Perspective
I’m way behind on my holiday shopping list this year so I have solicited the help of some special guests to fill this space. Enjoy! Happy holidays to everyone and best wishes for a wonderful new year.
“BIG IMPASSE”
(Sung to the tune of “White Christmas” by the FAA contract negotiating team)
We’re dreaming of a big impasse
Just like the multi-unit got
We’ve been at the table
Since Cain and Abel
And now, Congress gets its shot
We’re dreaming of a big impasse
Collective bargaining be damned
Make that union suffer some more
And this contract will even up the score
“SEND THEM HOME”
(Sung to the tune of “Deck The Halls” by FAA chief negotiator Joe Miniace)
Send them home, those darn liaisons
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Let them stew or clip some coupons
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Who needs experts for the system?
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
No one said we had much wisdom
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
“SHOPPING’S FUN”
(Sung to the tune of “Jingle Bells” by FAA facility managers nationwide)
Dashing through the malls
With government credit cards
The end of fiscal year
Means reaping some rewards
Denver gets some chairs
A TV for Fort Worth
Birmingham’s got new loot too
Let’s shed our fiscal girth!
Oh, shopping’s fun
We’re not done
‘Til our place is full
Forget about
That radar glitch
Our furniture’s so cool … hey!
Buy some crap,
Beat the rap
Keep the troops at bay
Dash through dough
We did not know
That waste was not OK
“THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”
(Sung by a NATCA choir)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the FAA gave to me:
12 moldy towers
11 fired controllers
10 percent reductions
9 non negotiables
8 and a half hour workdays
7 lost differentials
6 split shifts
5 Bla-key quotes
4 days suspension
3 regional vice presidents
2 split days off
And a pay cut that stung like a beeeeeeee
“FAA IS COMING TO TOWN”
(Sung to the tune of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” by FAA Spokesman Greg Martin and his public affairs staff)
You better watch out
You better think twice
We’re calling the press
We’ll even be nice
FAA is coming to town
Our same old canned speech
Will bore you to tears
We’ve had no new message
In seventy years
FAA is coming to town
Controllers are all lazy
Let’s call them overpaid
Safety’s not been compromised
We’ll deny and then evade
O! The truth is on leave
Come hear our best spin
We can’t wipe away our crap-eating grin
FAA is coming to town
“HARK, THE HOUSE AND SENATE SING”
(A special performance by Congressional staff, sung to the tune of “Hark, The Herald Angels Sing”)
Hark, the House and Senate sing,
We don’t want that contract thing!
Please don’t make us come decide,
That’s political suicide.
Blakey, take that garbage back,
Don’t make us your loser flack,
Get your staff to work and see,
Or we will flush your legacy
NATCA needs a new, fair deal
One the agency can’t steal
“AWAY WITH THE MANAGER”
(Sung to the tune of “Away In A Manger” by the controllers who loved him)
Away, with the manager
He’s nothing to dread,
The Ad—min—is—tra—tor
Done lopped off his head.
The fool was all cozy
With unions and such
The FAA leaders
Would broach no such crutch
The boss was a good guy
Like me and like you,
His sin was a big one –
A signed MOU
So FAA lawyers
Now angry anew,
Gave this memorandum
A legal review
The parties were willling
To work out their deal,
Save small-minded leaders
Intent on repeal
The ATM’s going
He’s fired, they said,
The poor FAA manager,
No desk for his head
“IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE IMPASSE”
(An encore performance by Miniace, to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”)
It’s beginning to look a lot like impasse,
Ev’rywhere we go
Take a look at the NATCA stuff,
It’s nothing but union fluff,
With pay raises for everyone we know.
It’s beginning to look a lot like impasse,
We can’t do our work,
But the prettiest site to see,
Is Marion’s look of glee
When Carr looks like a jerk, yes
It’s beginning to look a lot like impasse,
Congress must decide,
Do you take on the union thugs,
Just look at their smarmy mugs
Or let the pay raise ride!
